Another rant on humanness
I was going to post this on my sister's blog as a comment to her post from 1.4.07 , but it got too long...check out the original post first, the comments made in response to it, and then this post will make more sense.
First, a little background of my own, though:
We're dealing with an interesting issue right now. It's not horribly awful or anything, but it's something new that is kind of scaring us. A friend, who I had never been very close to because our personalities just didn't get along very well, decided she liked the guy that I had basically adopted as my brother. You've got to realize how protective we are of our brothers...it's a bad spot for her to be in...PLUS, she initiated the "relationship". I'm not saying he doesn't deserve some of the blame for this silly relationship (it really is - one just wants a girlfriend, I think, and the other is trying to get back at her "former boyfriend" and get the "satisfaction" that she thinks comes from "having" a guy). But she shouldn't have initiated.
--
I totally agree with you about the reasons girls initiate versus why guys initiate. To be quite honest, sometimes it seems scary how "slow" guys are (no, I'm not trying to beat up on everyone--it's just a common complaint among women that guys are slow), yet they are in some ways much more observant than the girls. Girls tend to get carried away in the rush of the moment, in the emotional side of things (no, duh!), but guys are smarter.
Girls care so much about relationships (that's pretty much all they talk about), yet guys are the ones who do the best in them. Ugh. Like Mark, I'm being random, but I hope these make sense.
As a girl, I'm tempted to initiate. But what happens when you initiate one relationship and then another one comes along that the guy initiated? Which one would be more likely to succeed?
Guys may be slow, but they know what they're doing. Besides, a girl may be "ready" for a relationship (in maturity...maybe...), but maybe the guy isn't! Maybe the girl thinks she's old enough to have a sharing, caring relationship (for lack of a better term), but maybe the guy wants to complete college, for example. For Pete's sake, cut the guy some slack!
This is a common mistake among girls, of thinking that now is the only chance they have to "nab" the guy of their dreams. If now is the only chance, what about God? Isn't He in control any more?
The best relationship is centered on Christ--both by each individual and THROUGH the relationship. Centered on Christ for the girl means first and foremost being patient and trusting Him. It means trusting that His timing is perfect and that we really can't rush Him. What a concept...
Another point about "nabbing" the guy of the girl's dreams: if he really is the guy of her dreams, wouldn't HE rush in on his noble steed and rescue her from a lifetime doomed to loneliness? Yeah, guys have to be the initiators. Otherwise the girl ends up thinking she "caught" him (although I don't know how that works...), and he thinks she was too easy to get.
Dad has told me over and over that guys like a challenge. Girls that ask a guy out are not presenting a challenge. They're (please excuse me if I'm being too coarse or explicit) basically playing the role of a hooker. Guys like that...for a night...but it grows old VERY quickly.
I don't claim to know the minds of guys, but I do know that girls need to keep themselves pure and mysterious. Guys like challenge and mystery. If a girl is willing to wait and pose that challenge to a guy, the true man of her dreams will indeed rise to the occasion and win her heart.
Wow...that was a rant...sorry!
posted by Allegra at 4/03/2007 08:35:00 PM
14 Comments:
I'll never understand girls.... :-P
I can relate to seeing friends jumping head over heels into cheap relationships. It's hard seeing them go through that. Espacially if you're that close to them. I'll be praying for you and your friend.
No, you will never understand girls. I'm curious why this proves it...If it's any consolation, I'll never understand guys! :P
Thanks for praying. While you're at it, please pray for us to be willing to forgive and continue loving our friends the way they need to be loved. Thanks!
Great post, its nice to see that there are still some girls out there waiting for the right guy that God has picked. Be patient is my advice. Its hard on our end to. And as a guy I think we guys are supposed to be the initiaters so it is kinda weird when a girl starts initiating. Oh, and I will be praying.
I actually live in PA, about an hour and a half from BBC. I wish I lived just a tad farther away though. I kinda like the idea of going far away to college. :)
I'm sure it is hard to wait for either party. Thanks for the perspective of a guy. It helps us girls, to be quite honest.
Sometimes I just think (as alluded to in my post) that guys are really slow. Sorry...Your comment helps, though. It seems like guys probably have more wisdom than girls do in this area.
Thanks for praying.
LOL, I know what you mean about wanting to go far away to college. I'm probably going to be going to a community college for the first year or so, but I'm cool with that. It means I'll probably have a job I already know (not having to go job hunting would be nice...), and I won't have to pay an arm and a leg for room and board. Nice! But I totally understand wanting to go far away...
Let me randomly add my thoughts--
It sounds like a hard situation to be in. I will pray that there won't be hard feelings created through it.
I think you give guys too much credit in relationships, they really aren't that good a gauging them ;-). It is important for guys to be the initiators though.
Also, most relationships in highschool don't last, so it's probably better just to wait with guy/girl relationships most of the time. That's just my opinion though. It kind of goes back to the whole cheap relationship thing Nate mentioned.
It would be cool to go to college far away, but I think it's slightly over rated. Sure you get to go off on your own and make your own rules, but it would be a pain to have to pay for everything :-P. The main problem I have with community colleges is that they are generally so easy that they don't really push one to get better that much. I haven't taken any math/science classes at the community college I am going to now, so I may be wrong. Community colleges are really convenient... What community college would you go to, Allegra? I seem to remember that there was one like somewhat close to where you live...
Yeah, I would have to agree with Mark. Guys can be good at guaging relaitionships is they are following Gods will. But often times they want to go at a pretty good pace.
Mark, thanks for praying for a lack of hard feelings. I guess that's probably the most important at this point, at least on our end...
Chris and Mark, you both have a good point - guys do tend to be the ones that push more than girls (I say tend, although it's not always that way...strangely...). So one cannot trust guys, but one cannot trust girls either to be a reasonable party. Romance is not reasonable. Our hearts are not reasonable.
Yes, cheap relationships...high school...those two terms really seem to go together. I guess our problem (our? well, maybe just mine...) is that we want to be grown up. We want the apparent happiness that comes from being married (or dating...or whatever people think gives happiness), but we aren't old enough or mature enough to have the same relationships we see adults in, without totally screwing things up.
I think it really is another example of needing to wait until we are older and more mature. Sure, our hormones won't stop hopping around like fireworks (and little kids) on the 4th of July, but we can still be patient and learn self-control.
I'd rather not say on here where I'm planning on going to college, simply for privacy reasons. But I will e-mail you, Mark.
Thanks, guys, for your incredible input!!! Thanks, also, for your prayers. Both are hugely appreciated.
I like the music on here, Allegra. It's very nice. And that was a good rant! I liked it. Unfortunately, it's easier said than done....:D
P.S. Who is the music by?
I think also one of the reasons that cheap relatioships and highschool seem to go hand in hand, is around that age teens are really looking for their identity. They're trying to presenting an image to society and think they can do this by having a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Ruth, thanks! I'm glad you enjoy the music on here! However, I'm not sure which piece you like the most. On the right-hand side of the blog, I have a media player. You can go through it and find the piece you like the most. The name is right there, and the composer/artist's name should be there as well.
You're right about it being easier said than done. But it's the best thing, and sometimes life isn't easy. Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest to do. Okay, I won't rant any more... :P
Chris, I agree with you about high school/cheap relationships. It does seem like we teens are trying to find our "identity" by having a boyfriend or girlfriend. At the same time, I don't have a problem with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in high school. My problem is when the girl chases the guy and they are co-dependent: they rely on each other way too much and lose focus on God.
Quite honestly, like I said, I wouldn't have a problem with having a "boyfriend" right now. However, God teaches each of us what He wants us to learn in our current situation. Maybe He does allow some people to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but He's teaching them something different from those who don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
That's my rant for today. I need to come up with a new topic...none of us are exactly experts on the current one. :)
I don't think I'm fully understanding the issue your getting at. Are you unhappy with the way that dating is conducted in our society? Or are you unhappy with this specific situation? Or is it the shallowness of relations today? Or, more likely, your feed up with all three combined into one?
So to do my best to address all of those......
1) I think guys either want girls or are scared of them. Most of the time that is...I would say I'm not either. ;-) But if I guy is "looking" for whatever reason for a girl, he will probably be the one to initiate the relationship, because if guy wants something he is going to go for it at whatever cost.
On the other hand....guys are a lot more scared then the girls think. Sure, we like girls, but hey, they scare us! They sit in the corner and talk and giggle among themselves, they go to the bathroom together, etc...we don't really understand them. Period. They're nice to us most of the time, but we're never sure how to react because they just plain out scare us.
2) Guys are scared of commitment. Yup, its true. We always want a way out. Like I said before, if we don't really "want" a girlfriend, then of course we would be scared of getting one. It's a lot of hassle to have a boy-or-girl friend. They're expensive,, you have to introduce them to people, etc. In that regard guys are move level headed. Girls tend to be about feelings, guys tend to be about results (if you know what I mean...).
3) Peer pressure + highschool + members of the opposite sex = trouble. I think both "sides" tend to do things because of peer pressure, because everyone else is doing it, blah blah blah. Many times in highschool we are just finding ourselves, who we really are, what we like, etc. And we tend to give our peers way to much credit IMHO. This equals trouble, the shallow relationships, and all manner of high school grievances in my view.
Okay, I think I might of covered it. Perhaps I misread what you meant Allegra, or what you were after. Email me if I completely missed it, or perhaps we can talk later.
God Bless!
I am probably the least qualified person on the planet to say anything on this issue, given that I have never had a girlfriend.
I honestly never knew that girls thought guys were "slow", although if we are its probably out of shyness, or just plain cluelessness. Unless she makes it incredibly obvious, or someone else points it out to me, I would never realize a girl liked me.
I think the main problem with initiating relationships of the dating/temporary sort is that they don't ultimately have a purpose. Dating is not so much about truly finding someone you can spend your life with as much as it is just getting a girl to improve your own self esteem.
Maybe I'm just relationally nievé, but I personally intend to just go about my merry way singly until God practically hits me over a wife. I don't know how Biblically sound this is, but it seems to me that there is no point in my looking for a wife until God is ready for me to get married. As you said Allegra, its not as if we need to pounce on the perfect girl the instant I meet her. If she's the one for me, she's not going to marry anyone else (especially before I'm even ready to get married).
That's my two cents anyway, I'll be praying everything works out.
Well I had written out a mcomment but it got deleted before I could post it so heres my new one.
Dakota, you seemed to have pretty much said it all. I don't think I could have worded it better. But I'm gonna pitch in a little more here. I was thinking about girls initiating relationships, girls I wanna tell you that the guy wants to be the initiater. In a guys mind he wants to conquer the world. Not in a bad way, its just the way God made guys. So I personally find it more of a challenge when a girl is aloof and doesn't 'throw herself at my feet'.
Connor, I wouldn't say you were the least qualified. You may have a more sensible view on the subject because you don't have a girlfriend. I know at least for me I used to have a girlfriend but now I don't and now looking back on it I know I wasn't ready for a wife. (I was also a little to young)So now I wanna wait till God brings my wife to me.
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