This is a fascinating survey that was conducted by The Rebelution, called the
Modesty Survey. I started reading it a few days ago, just skimming through stuff, and came back to it today to an open question about what guys would say to sisters in Christ about modesty. WOW! I was quite impressed.
Guys, you have no idea how much what you think affects us girls! I can safely speak for one girl when I say that I'm so impressed by your desire to do right. As a result, I will try even harder to do right, too, knowing that others care enough to do the same.
You don't have to read ALL the responses (there sure were quite a lot!), but I wanted to show you what made an impact on me. I want to tell my Christian brothers that you are greatly appreciated as well, when you try to remain pure. Quite honestly, I cringe every time I see a girl that is really immodest, because it hurts me to think what it does to you. Keep up the good fight, though! Your future wives will be so honored.
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Open Question
If you could say one thing to your sisters in Christ about modesty, what would it be?
Age 24
Sisters in Christ, you really have no concept of the struggles that guys face on a daily basis. Please, please, please take a higher standard in the ways you dress. True, we men are responsible for our thoughts and actions before the Lord, but it is such a blessing when we know that we can spend time with our sisters in Christ, enjoying their fellowship without having to constantly be on guard against ungodly thoughts brought about by the inappropriate ways they sometimes dress. In 1 Corinthians 12 the apostle Paul presents believers as the members of one body - we have to work together. Every Christian has a special role to play in the body of Christ. That goal is to bring glory to the Savior through an obedient, unified body of believers - please don't hurt that unity by dressing in ways that may tempt your brothers in Christ to stumble.
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Age 23
There is one that is more in love with you than any man can ever be. You are incredibly valuable to Him, and you never need question His commitment to Him. He thinks you're beautiful in the morning without your makeup, and He'll think you're just as beautiful when you're 80. He is Christ. In you should treat Him with the loyalty and respect of a Husband. There is no need to attract a man to you - Christ will lead the right man to you. And when someone that loves you as much as Christ arranges a marriage, you may rest assured it will be far better than anything you could have done. You are His - be content there.
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Age 20
If I could only persuade you of one thing, it would be that God's ways are best. Our heavenly Father has our welfare in mind, and His commandments are not burdensome. Obedience is rarely easy (we men have our own battles to fight), but it is always blessed. I am convinced that a young woman who submits her heart to God in this area will experience blessing as a result. After reading this survey, some may decide to pursue modesty quite grudgingly, in order to avoid causing their brothers to stumble, but viewing it as a great personal sacrifice nonetheless. I can only hope that this is not how it is perceived by most of you. I hope you understand the value and significance of true modesty. And I hope you will not trade that blessing for a mess of pottage.
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Age 18
Sisters in Christ, we men in society have miserably failed at appreciating true womanhood. On behalf of every man out there who has painted a distorted picture in your life of what a real woman is, especially along the lines of modesty, I apologize deeply. There are many Godly men out there, as I'm sure this survey will prove, that are dying to give you their utmost respect when you choose to follow God's leading in this area of modesty in your life. We back you up all the way and want to do anything we can to help you. And we ask that you do all you can to help us as we struggle through this world of sin together.
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Age 13
Modest girls are always more pretty to me than immodest girls. An immodest girl might be really pretty but her actions are ugly and they cancel out her natural beauty, making her ugly. A modest girl is pretty not only in looks but in actions and deeds and that is the type of girl I like to be around.
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Age 17
It means SO MUCH! It's not just that we respect you more, there is even an attraction to girls who dress modestly. I don't want to marry someone who is dressed immodestly all the time. I want to marry someone who I've noticed dresses modestly and has a concern for modesty. Don't ever think that it goes unnoticed. Guys notice, and guys are so grateful.
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Age 18
Most of the time, intention is what counts. If you are trying to get away with as little as possible, even if you somehow manage to abide by all the suggestions of this survey, you will most likely still create a stumbling block. However, a girl that does not think a lot about which articles of cloths are most modest will still end up being less suggestive and, most likely, entirely modest if she has an attitude of modesty and tries to conduct herself with Christian grace and femininity.
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Age 16
As a Christian guy, modesty is SO attractive. I don't mean attractive in a lustful way, but that to see a girl living out God's standards in her life really is beautiful. And you have no idea just how much you would be helping your Christian brothers by being modest. We're not trying to blame you for our impurity, that's between us and God, but you can do so much to encourage and help us in our battle by being modest.
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Age 16
Please don’t take modesty lightly. As your brother in Christ I value the relationship that I will have with my wife someday. When I am tempted because of you I lose a part of myself that I am trying to save for her. When I’m tempted because of you I become that much more accepting of the perversions in the world. When you remain pure and modest, my life is made so much easier. Instead of watching to ensure that I don’t sin I can focus on you as a person and fellow follower of Christ. I appreciate modesty more than you’ll ever know. Please, show respect of yourself and of me and be modest.
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Age 17
That they have absolutely no idea of how important it is to us. There are enough attacks the devil launches at us in the area of lust as it is without having to, as often in my experience, stare at the floor the duration of Sunday School.
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Age 17
Dearest sister: God made you a thing of beauty. A thing to be admired and respected. When you dress or act in a way that draws attention to your body, you make it easy for the guys around you to reduce you to the level of a disgusting toy - using you to mentally satisfy their fantasies. They stop thinking about your Godly qualities and immerse themselves in sinful thought. By dressing and acting modestly, you draw attention to your face instead of your body. Your body may be alluring, but your face - those deep, mysterious eyes and smiling mouth - is infinitely more beautiful than any amount of revealing dress. Would you rather be the tool by which guys satisfy themselves or the beautiful thing God created you to be, pure for your husband? My flesh prefers the former, but my heart pleads for the latter.
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Age 15
This really is a hard challenge that we all must overcome and I would appreciate if our sisters in Christ were the one group of girls that we could count on to help us with this challenge.
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Age 19
A girl's dress proclaims her priorities and values louder than if she got on a chair and screamed them to the world. When critically examining a woman's get-up, I consider the following: Could she get down on the floor and play with a group of toddlers without losing several articles of clothing? Could she get away from a threatening situation without spraining an ankle? Could she prepare and maintain a house and its members easily? Could she be the Proverbs 31 woman dressed like that?
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Age 17
Girls, you are so much more beautiful than the other girls in the world because you are modest. Your purity is beautiful and I find you attractive because you guard it.
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Age 17
Embrace it. Even though it always seems like guys only "want one thing," I, being a guy myself, can speak for most guys when I say that deep down inside most guys really just want a girl that has the confidence to not cheapen herself by dressing immodestly. It is time for both guys and girls to rise above the age-old stereotypes thrown at us by the media, adults, and each other, and take modesty to heart!
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Age 19
Your heart is what matters, not your outward beauty. Don't assume that you have to be a magazine cover girl to get married to a good guy, because first of all, those pictures are not real, they are edited, and second, you really don't want guys that only care about your outward beauty.
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Age 18
For those of you trying to be modest, thank you, thank you, thank you! I certainly notice it and am grateful for it. For those of you who aren't sure about modesty, it is hard enough for us guys as it is; please don't make it harder.
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Age 15
Keep persevering! Your efforts are appreciated and noticed, even though you may not be able to see that. It serves us guys tremendously, not only in not being tempted each time we look at you, but also knowing that you care and that your heart attitude is to serve. Thank you for guarding the guys!
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Age 21
Thank you to all my sisters who seek to please God with modest clothing and behavior. You really show love and care for others when you dress modestly and do not flirt. There are some especially modest, attractive women in my church who realize that their brothers need help in this area. We men don't appreciate and thank you sisters enough for the thoughtfulness and work you put into dressing modestly. Please keep it up. Not only is your modesty helpful in keeping your brothers from sin, but it is also an attractive quality in a future wife (Prov 31:30).
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Age 27
Most young women don't understand that men find women who are modest and graceful and feminine very attractive and that you don't have to dress provocatively to get the attention of good men, just of bad men.
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Age 14
Number one, pay attention to what you are wearing. Something you have on may seem fine to you, but that's because you're a girl and you were created much, much differently than a guy. And two, listen to a guy if he tells you what is modest and what is not. Once again, his opinion may be completely different, but he's right when it comes to modesty. He's the one immodest clothing affects.
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Age 24
That it is not just what they wear, but the attitude in which they wear it. If a lady dresses modestly but is flirtatious or hard-hearted, she is still displaying immodesty. Modesty deals more with what is in their heart; if their heart is perfect toward God, He will change their clothing habits to glorify Him.
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Age 29
I have heard so many girls say that they never knew that guys were so affected by what they wear. It is kind of mind-boggling, since I also hear girls talking about how uncomfortable various pieces of clothing are. I can only assume that they wear them to attract guys. Finally, thank you for even reading this survey and thinking about your dress, your brothers, and your own sin, that we may love and serve Christ together, for His glory!
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Age 40-49
Even though we as men need (and are commanded) to be pure in our thought life, it is a tremendous help to have our sisters help us in this matter, instead of being a temptation.
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Age 24
Two things: 1. Understand that your heart is more important than what you wear. Strive for holiness in the grace of God. But also understand that what you wear reflects your heart. Make it a goal to be Christlike in heart and behavior, including what you wear. 2. Please don't be fooled by the culture around you. Just because the mall sells certain kinds of clothes or makeup, that doesn't make it okay to wear it. And the same goes for men. We must constantly seek to live by the Bible, not by the world. And there are many ways to do that. Just make sure that you intentionally decide, not just go with what's "cute."
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Age 19
When a girl dresses modestly, it helps to cut down on temptation drastically. Physical purity for guys is just as hard as emotional purity is for girls. Modesty actually makes a girl more beautiful because it shows where her heart is before God.
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Age 19
You have no idea how much it means to me as a guy when I see girls who are doing their best to be modest. These are girls that I feel completely comfortable being friends with, and by their actions they demand my respect. Modesty will win you the friendship of guys who will care about you as a person and will see you as a sister in Christ before they see you as anything else, and modesty will protect you from guys who only care about your looks and who see you only as a potential girlfriend.
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Age 18
Modesty is not about discovering the right rules and following them, although guidelines and standards are very useful. Modesty is about being so satisfied, fulfilled, and secure in your relationship with God that you do not feel the need to display yourself immodestly. That security is where the beauty of the heart comes from, and that security is what will catch the right guy's attention.
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Age 26
There is a truth which can be expressed a number of ways: 'When one sense dies the others become more sensitive.' 'The stars can only be seen when the sky is dark.' 'The softly spoken secret can only be heard when the shouting stops.' When you dress modestly, it helps us guys avoid certain temptations and thoughts, but also 1 Peter 3:3-5 comes to mind: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." Modesty quiets down the loud voice of the outer attraction and allows the quieter but truer voice of a woman's inner beauty to come forward. It's that inner quality which is vital for a true and full attraction. It is honourable, selfless and beautiful to dress modestly. The very fact that a girl would dress that way out of consideration for guys is actually attractive. In the end we might fall into lust over girls dressed immodestly who show us their bodies, but what we truly want is a respectful, hard-working, loving girl, and as for physical attraction, we want allurement and sensuality. The sexuality is real, but rather than offering sexuality as the appetizer, we'd rather have it as dessert. We would like it served up with care and thought. After all, having dessert first spoils your appetite for anything else. Finally, I want to thank you for your consideration in all this. We get so much thrown in our face in the world, that it is wonderful to be amongst the body of Christ and be able to find a haven there. We know the pressures that are on you to look a certain way, and that you'd sacrifice personal image in the eyes of the world to honour God and bless us is a precious gift.
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Age 18
Honestly, a girl that dresses modestly yet attractively will catch my eye far more (or at least in far more of a positive manner) than will a girl that feels the need to expose parts of her just to get attention. When it seems like you're alone, just remember that there are guys out there that care, and that will thank you someday for the stand you have taken. May God bless you as you seek to glorify Him each day . . . .
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Age 21
As Christian girls, I'm sure that there is a lot of pressure from the world that in order to look attractive you have to dress immodestly. I would just like to say that as a guy, I find it far more attractive to see a girl, modestly dressed because that is making a very positive statement about her character. Guys who think that you have to dress immodestly to look good, are guys who probably aren't interested in anything besides your looks. So I would like the girls to know that modesty is very attractive and more than that, it is a way to bring glory to God through your appearance.
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Age 28
Modesty is not a set of rules; it is an attitude of the heart that comes from seeing, loving and trusting Christ. Modesty is that attitude of heart that behaves in such a way as to reflect the humility of the Son of God by not attracting inordinate attention to oneself. Modesty and humility are intimately tied. Trying to be modest without being humble is just pretense; trying to be humble without seeing and falling down before Jesus is foolishness. The way to modesty is through the cross. Dressing a certain way may appear modest, but do nothing to the heart. The modesty of heart that manifests in the way one acts and dresses is that which glorifies God, and shows His glory through you.
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Age 17
It's apreciated more than you know. You have no idea how much I appreciate my sisters in Christ who dress modestly, because I can be around them without having to struggle to keep my thoughts pure. And I find girls who dress modestly more attractive than those who dress immodestly. It speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. It might be a cliche, but real beauty IS on the inside.
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Age 16
Please don't feel like you need to dress immodestly to get our attention. Christian guys notice girls that dress modestly and are (should be) drawn to them and are prone to like them over girls that show their bodies to a million guys. You don't need to show off your body to be liked or loved by a guy!
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Age 15
Be modest. I like a girl that will be modest even though all her friends won't be. I also find it easier to talk to a girl that isn't revealing herself.
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Age 16
The female body is a powerful gift, intended for one man. Just as you wouldn't give your most prized possession to everyone on the street, so you shouldn't share the secrets of your body with any man other than your husband. Modesty will attract a man who is suitable to be your husband. Just as moths flock to a candle flame, so guys will flock to an immodest girl. But are you going to be satisfied with a moth when you can have a butterfly?
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Age 26
Modesty is extremely attractive in a pure and holy way. Beauty is fleeting. Inner purity is gorgeous! Guard your intimacy with God. If you can't do something in the Holy of holies, don't do it at all. Eternity is a long time. Spend it with Jesus. Start now, if you haven't already. If you're intimate with God it shows. Intimacy with God is the most attractive thing in a woman. Purity and holiness is beautiful. Impurity taints a womans outer beauty. Purposefully or willingly sinning is not forgivable. Don't play with that. Eternity is a long time. Get plugged in to a local healthy growing church, if you're not yet. Fall deeply and madly in love with your Maker. Love God. Love people. Devour the Word of God. Hunger and thirst for righteousness, and you will be filled. (Matthew 5) Those who do righteousness are righteous.(1 John 3:7) Those who do righteousness are born of God. (1 John 2:29) Prayer is for intimacy with God. Intimacy with God is the very essence and breath of life.
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Age 20
Modesty affects guys so much. Making sure to be modest can help guys' thought lives so much and the ones who are trying to keep their thoughts pure will appreciate it immensely. I am always impressed with girls that make a point of dressing modestly and am terribly grateful to them, but always disappointed with girls who dress immodestly. One more thing: dressing immodestly may attract guys, but dressing modestly will attract the kinds of guys you probably want to attract, both as friends and as potential husbands, because they are attracted by the high quality of your character that you show by dressing modestly.
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Age 29
God gave you girls huge power over us men as we are wired to respond to a woman's body when it's revealed or hinted at. It's part of God's perfect plan for marriage and yet it's another thing that Satan has twisted and is using against us to make us think that we are not living up to God's standards, since it is like a re-fall every time one of those thoughts crosses our minds, no matter how small it is or how quickly we dismiss it. We know it's not all your responsibility, but you can help.
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Age 16
It really is important! It's often difficult for you to understand our (guys') minds, as it is often hard for us to understand yours. Guys struggle with things most girls wouldn't think of, and it is such a gift to you and us that we have a survey such as this to help each other. Above all, be loving to your Christian brothers in how you present yourselves and how you relate to us.
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Age 18
It's totally worth it. Although it might seem like the immodest girls get all the initial attention, if a guy wants a long term relationship with you because of your immodesty, he's probably not the kind of guy a Christian girl should be with. Immodesty is a stumbling block even to your guy friends, and no real good is really going to come out of it.
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Age 22
Dear Sister, You are beautiful to God, and that makes you beautiful to me. I know that isn't what the worldly media is telling you. No doubt you often get the feeling that we men only care about women's bodies. That is probably true of many men, but not true of a godly man. As a child of God, I realize that there are things about you that are much more valuable than your body. I am learning to appreciate your heart,your love and concern for others, your dedication to our Lord, and your desire to please Him. Those things are far more important than the shape of your body. However, while I believe that, it isn't always easy to live it. Part of the reason for this is the fact that many women make their physical appearance their focus ans so they expose themselves to get attention. Please don't do that. You don't have to be immodest to be attractive and beautiful. I don't want you to think that I blame you for my failures. If I lust after a woman's exposed body, that is completely my fault. She didn't force me to lust. However, it is her fault that she exposed herself to me and gave me something to lust after. I know you probably don't hear it much, but we, your brother's in Christ, are blessed and very grateful when you help us in this area by being modest in the way you dress as well as the way you act. You are wonderful and beautiful creations of God and you don't have to expose yourselves to prove it. Thank you for being a godly and virtuous woman. Your Brother in Christ
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Age 19
I think, based on what some girls have told me, that a lot of girls are so concerned about the way they dress because they compare themselves to other girls, not as much because they are concerned about looking attractive to the boys. If this is true, please stop judging each other and encouraging each other to buy more clothes and to spend so much time and money on influencing your appearances. Character, personality, and self-confidence in one's worth are so much more important for being an exemplary Christian, and they are also very attractive to Christian guys. Girls, thank you for taking an interest in this survey.
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Age 27
Girls, however you dress, you give guys an impression. When you dress immodestly, you present the image that you care little about yourself, and the only assets you have are the physical ones you are showing. When you dress modestly, you may not attract the attention of every guy who walks by, but you will most certainly attract the attention of the sort of guy you want, one who will respect you and like you for who you are, not what you are.
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Age 19
We love you! We want to protect your dignity. Therefore, we want you to care about your own honor. Please honor us also by protecting us from the shame of lust. I know of no temptation that is more common in America than that of lust. And if even Christian girls don't care how their dress affects their brothers, then what will become of us? And what's the point of trying to honor our sisters if they dishonor themselves before our very eyes?
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Age 15
Guys DO appreciate it! even though it seems like they always go for the "sexy" girls, Guys really do respect and honor girls who have the willpower to keep themselves pure and looking pure.
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Age 20
As a young man, I have grown to appreciate and respect greatly girls who present themselves physically in a pure and Christ-centered way. Whether in dress or an attitude of modesty, God will honor and reward you for your goal and efforts to keep him as the center of your life in clothing and the way that you interact with those of the opposite gender.
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Age 16
Seek a better character, not a better countenance. If you have a godly character, you will be far more attractive to me and any other guy who is doing his best to stay pure in mind and body than if you are focusing on your physical appearance. This isn't to say that you can't make yourself attractive, just don't idolize your vanity table and cosmetics. Focus on pleasing Christ, and the right kind of guy will notice you.
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Age 14
Keep going, no matter how hard it gets, keep at it, for not only are you helping your fellow brothers stay clean for their wives, but you are keeping yourself pure for your husband. It may seem like guys don't notice or appreciate, but they do, in ways you don't see.
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Age 20
You can dress modestly and look fantastic, in fact better, than if you dress immodestly. I notice girls who dress modestly!
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Age 30-34
If a girl would think in terms of a man being someone's husband, perhaps that would help her not want to draw the eyes of another woman's husband and a little girl's dad. She would see that she can actually give a man a moment's relief from his constant fight for faithfulness to God and to his future wife. A moment to lower his guard and catch his breath again is really refreshing.
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Note: I did not include all the responses in here...it would just be too long!
